What is David Stern Thinking? NBA Opening Night

Welcome back, NBA. Whew....good to have you back in our life.

Tuesday night kicked off the NBA season with the prime time match up of the Wizards vs. Cavs Celtics vs. Heat. Lots of story lines in this game, but we'll save that for another time.

Instead, let's get to David Stern. Mr. Commissioner announced last week that he will be stepping down on February 1st, 2014, rounding out a 30 year run as the league's leader.

In his first appearance post retirement announcement, David Stern started off the Miami Heat Ring Ceremony by first acknowledging the tragedy and aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Seriously.


At that point, I tweeted, "Nice start David Stern #sandynotkatrina #checkedoutalready"

Obviously, just a slip of the tongue by Stern, but it was interesting timing with him knowing he is on his way out, so maybe he'll just go into check out mode, with a side of I'll do whatever the hell I want mode (I guess the latter is what he is in the majority of the time anyway).

As the ring ceremony got underway, we wondered what Stern was saying to each player as he shook their hand. Everything written below could, or could not be what was actually exchanged.

Terrel Harris: "Who the f are you?"  (not only did Stern say this, but so did everyone else in America)
Norris Cole: "You're right...having that box haircut is the only way someone would ever notice you on this team."
Dexter Pittman: "Just because I'm on my way out, don't think you can pull any of that dirty crap you did last year. I'll be watching you....even if you only play 4 games this year."
Joel Anthony: "Who's Anthony, Who's Anthony?....Wayne's World, anyone?"
Juwan Howard: "Who would have thought you'd be the last Fab 5 member playing in the NBA?"
Mike Miller: "Don't go auctioning this ring off, like you did your house." 
Udonis Haslem: "You have two NBA championship rings?!"
Shane Battier: "Why can't everyone in the NBA be as nice as you? Oh, and cut the flopping, would ya?"
Mario Chalmers: "I would say I know how it feels to be yelled at by everyone, but I don't....sorry."
Chris Bosh: "I loved you in Avatar."
Dwyane Wade: "You don't know how many times I spelled your name D-w-a-y-n-e, instead of D-w-y-a-n-e."
LeBron James: "Remember that whole thing about beating the Lakers in 6 we talked about last year, let's make it 7." (shout-out to Grantland.com)